Ramblings of the Broken and Needy

How I long for the day I will be with you forever.
I long for a time when you'll give me words that are bigger than any I can speak here on Earth.
I yearn for the opportunity to be pure and holy and to bow down before you.
I am desperate for a time when I will no longer have these trials and struggles,
where I will no longer stumble and fall in my sinful desires.

Lord, who am I but your creation?
Who am I to take this life as my own?
Why do I keep trying to hold onto the reigns?
You've promised me you'll keep me, that you won't let go.
Why am I so afraid to give you all of me?

The questions bring more questions,
and the trials never seem to end.
I falter and I fail you
over and over again.
I hung you on a cross - how is it that you still take me in?

I've nailed your hands and feet,
my transgressions were there on Calvary.
You felt the pain of my disobedience.
Your father turned his face away.
Oh, why do you love this mocker?

Tears stain my face and my sins mar and blemish me.
I am so in need, so desperate.
I am nothing without you.
I boast in nothing, beside your sacrifice.
Your death and resurrection has brought me into real life.

Lord, how can it be that you sent your son for me?
Why would you humble yourself just to set us free?
We've become a nation of unbelief
- and I hardly trust my ability
to praise you as I should, Lord, I need your stability.

I run to other gods and fill my life with clutter
I make back-up plans just in case your way doesn't work
I don't trust you to get it right and I try to provide for myself.
But, Lord you're my provider, how can I doubt you.
I praise so much that isn't praise-worthy.

Take away the mess.
Clean up my life.
I've not been very tidy with what you've given me.
Throw out the things I don't need anymore.
Smooth out and sweep up the parts of me you want to use.

Remind me of your promises
Don't allow me to forget them
You have shown me yourself time and time again
but somehow I keep asking, thinking I need more proof.
Don't allow me to forget what you've done in my life.